To Love, Or Not To Love...

TO LOVE, OR NOT TO LOVE...

Open-hearted or close-hearted? To feel and flow with life, its sweetness, and its sorrow. To numb, detach, and enclose ourselves with walls to prevent those emotional pains. These are choices we make in every second of our lives, some are so easy they go unnoticed. Naturally moving us from one scene to the next, others seem to reveal themselves when we need a lesson or a redirection. Yet what if we don't know that we are even being tested? What if we never really did well on tests? What if these choices are so subtle, we forget they are there? 

Feeling into our emotions is something many of us take for granted and unfortunately the trauma of some people's lives causes them to harden to life, closing off their hearts and withholding the love still living within their beating heart. It may be or appear easier for some than others, but still, there are choices we must make. Safety and protection, to feel secure, can have us do some really outlandish things that might feel right at the time, but hurt others, including the self. In the midst of these choices, there are challenges and we must continue to face what expands us or what constricts us? Why do we feel constricting is the best option versus expanding? These are not questions to just ask our mind, but to ask our heart and to understand why there may be resistance. When we begin to see our capacity to feel as a source of strength. We reclaim powers we never knew we had.

"When we begin to see our capacity to feel as a source of strength. We reclaim powers we never knew we had."

On one hand, it does seem obvious when one experiences the crushing feeling, that is heartbreak. There tends to be a tangible reason to rationalize these feelings, but what if there isn't? What if we were not really conscious of just how much we really did love something? What if it were something we learned to feel silly for loving in the first place?

These strange times we are all experiencing, are anything but normal. Yet, I also know that amidst the discomfort they bring, there is purpose, there is always purpose. As the saying goes, everything happens for a reason...but do we take time to reflect on what that reason or reasons might be?

Sometimes, we can experience heartbreak for various reasons all based on how much our love was invested in whatever we believed this person, place, or thing provided for us. We've often been taught to see heartbreak as the result of love gone bad, that it's mostly reserved for romantic relationships. Yet, these times seem to scream, life is inherently heartbreaking, as there is disappointment, devastation, grief that continues to surface. 

In a world that has steered our gaze to focus and glorify the physical while degrading that which we cannot physically perceive as real, this creates a lot of imbalance. We can and many have learned to not see any value in our emotional body, our feelings. After all, why would one want to experience painful emotions? It's a logical question.

"What if it were something we learned to feel silly for loving in the first place?"

We've been shown it's cool not to care too much, we learn this throughout school. Then as adults we get paid to care for our job(s) that many times, care little about us. Life gets busy, demanding and we learn to smile on, and keep grinding even if we feel like we are dragging inside. We learn to fake our feelings, to smile for photos, to not try and hurt others' feelings, all these things can make it confusing to actually know what our own feelings are and what is someone else's. 

We were already living in a world where many have learned that it's better to not get too close. Now there is a narrative saying that's the only way to survive. Yet as I navigate through my own emotional work, of feeling my feelings, my higher guidance called me out. I was ready to deny the real pain I was feeling, I could have easily distracted myself with work or something else and sometimes, we have to, and that's ok. Sometimes we want to make someone else happy, to make ourselves happy, that's how I was tempted today. That's when I realized that I was telling myself I wanted to do something to make someone else happy, but it was actually to make myself feel better. 

Many of us have learned to be people-pleasers almost to the point that it is a reflex or natural reaction. It's not bad to want to please somebody or make others happy. Becoming aware that there could be an underlying reason why we are motivated to respond in such ways especially if we start to say things like, "I've done everything to make this person happy, and it never was enough." It's unfair to ourselves and others to put the expectation that someone else should feel a certain way because you did something, especially if it was unasked. I'm not saying people shouldn't say, "thank you," but when we tend to overextend ourselves and then have an assumption as to, "I'm going to do this because I know it will make them really happy." It's already putting weight on the situation to go as planned and putting the responsibility on an unsuspecting person to fill the void of happiness. It can easily go awry if a person is having a really rough day and they were not able to fully embrace or appreciate the gesture, it's a recipe for hurt feelings that may have been unintentional on both sides. It is important to learn how to fill our own cup and just as important, to know when it needs to be replenished.

Denial is a coping mechanism. Deflecting the problems onto somebody else makes us feel like we're doing something right when things are falling apart. Yet if you stand in the knowing, that everything happens for a reason, then you know, so do the reasons of heartbreak. Denying that there were any feelings there in the first place or trying to override them as nonexistent, or putting the blame all on someone else, pushes away the lessons and medicine that are there for us to learn from, the purpose. Even worse is prolonging the inevitable, avoiding confronting an ending, to prevent feeling it emotionally. In subconscious or conscious ways, it's as if we're saying "loving too much, was the problem." Surely the world depicts to you an image that says, it needs more love? Doesn't it? If you feel this way, then rest assured that loving too much isn't the problem. Forgetting to give love to yourself, is a problem.When we beging to see our capacity to feel as a source of strength. We reclaim powers we never knew we had.